I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
