theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
