i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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