i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
two words...techno handjob
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
