Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
