your parents love me but you hate me
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
