You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
