The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
