I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
