I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Farmville is her only friend.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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