1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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