I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
