Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
