I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
