I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.