I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
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Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked