Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.