I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night