Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize