Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?

(216): View more from Ohio

... about that ...

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(616): View more from Michigan

Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95

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(856): View more from New Jersey

"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.

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(248): View more from Michigan

she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.

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(616): View more from Michigan

You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.

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(806): View more from Texas

And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...

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(947): View more from Michigan

if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee

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(914): View more from New York

I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme

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