Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
