I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
