Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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