According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When are your genitals available?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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