He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
