you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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