you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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