yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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