I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
