i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
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yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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