Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
