Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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