you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
