tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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