He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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