He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
