im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
