my room smells like sperm. sweet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
