if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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