Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
