If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
