Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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