You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
