you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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