We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
