If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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