Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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