bring money and cleavage
How's work?
Spinning.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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