my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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