apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
