I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
