The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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