Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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