In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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