Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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