apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
