Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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