I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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