Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
