He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
