I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
