I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
