Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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