i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
